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I'm back

Yes, i'm back to livejournal-ing again due to certain circumstances.
Yes, my facebook has been deactivated due to certain circumstances.
Yes, i still need a space where i can throw all my thoughts out to due to certain circumstances.

Saying Hi! to friends, if you managed to find me here. i will do my ranting here from now onwards until everything has been settled.

xoxo
been months and months (half a year or so to be exact) since the last time i came here to jot down a piece of my mind. traumatic 2nd half of the year it was, especially with the break up and everything. yeah, probably many already know, i've ended my 2 plus going 3 years of relationship with the guy whom i thought was 'the one'. it was a really difficult decision that i was given no rights or choice but to make. i was simply just told to move on with no sympathy or whatsoever.
that brought me back to the start where i felt that i shouldn't even had chose him over another guy, probably i could have been still blissfully in a long term relationship. whenever i saw young couples holding hands walking along the street, where the guy is obviously still serving his ns, i felt like going up to the girl and tell her to dump the guy already and move on to a better one that is out of ns instead because she will be just wasting her time/youth. but who am i to say all these, judging all the guys when the only one heartless one? yes, you can say that my mind is seriously fucked up, i had never felt such great betrayal in the heart ever.
usually, when a guy is in the ns, he will be worried that his gf will end up leaving him for another guy because she couldn't endure the time away with one another. but for my case? totally different. i'm the one who was willing to stick by him through thick and thin for 2 years, and got dumped right after he ord-ed. how sad that is?
can't help but to feel used by him, until he got out from ns and realize that he have time to find better girls, he just leave.

one of these days

 it's so hard to blog these days, i mean, too much activities going on and in no mood to write all of them down because i'll be damn tired at the end of almost every single day. where did i stop previously? ah yes, the aftermath of a school term and the torturous exam. lucky me, i got to rest for a week before work officially starts. it was movies, food and the beloved ps3 that kept me company. ff13 is boring, completed the beatles rock band in a day and band heros have better songs than guitar heros. caught almost all the good movies on screen to pass time, singapore is boring, or maybe it's just me who is boring.

enough of that, work is okay. i said okay not because i'm not enjoying myself. in fact, i'm glad to be able to return to my 'comfort zone' with all the old colleagues and fairly easy job with a good pay. however, i might be regretting returning as the 'comfort zone' last time is not the same as it is before. people change i suppose, but i never expected THAT MUCH. it's kind of disappointing to know that the person who used to be there for you will not be there anymore. and you know what the worst part is? the worst is to see somebody else replacing you, and you can't talk to that person anymore 'cause you're invisible now and you didn't know whether to trust that person or not. i'll probably just work for the sake of the money and not stir up anything because i don't belong there anymore, 3 months will pass by real soon i suppose. after all, it's just one issue that is bothering me at work.

talking about trust, this is a real situation that i came across. let's just use A and B. A thought that B was a friend, but B bitches about A behind the back. so as a good friend of A, i actually told A to stay away from B because i feel that B is just taking A as someone to amuse. so A confronted B and they had a big fight. and the blame goes straight directly to me. B hates me but A is still good friends with me. but as my friends, some of them feel that i should not be 'busybody'. seriously i don't know what i did wrong, if someone bitches about my friend behind his/her back, i will be the first to stand up for them. it really sadden me to know that people don't do that because they want 'less trouble'. i wonder if anyone will do the same for me if that happens, someone i can really call a good friend of mine who watches my back for me. but i doubt so, i guess some people just want to be the fake person such that every single person will love them. for me, i dare to love and be loved, and i dare to hate and be hated.

let's talk about happy stuffs, results are out already and i've improved! had squeezed my sexy ass into the third class zone this time round and i'm over the moon. yes i know, i'm easily satisfied when it comes to results. to me, results are not the most important thing on earth, it's the intelligence outside of the textbook and the attitude ya! have to really thank ys for helping me with my studies this time round, lots of late night studies and theory arguments over coffee, it's all worth it after all. i guess the 'pyp over txtbk' works for me. hopefully i can do better still next semester even though 204 is a killer for most of my friends who took it the last semester.

i love my mummy~
mummy bought a 32inch tv for me 'cause there's one in every room except for mine. and i've been camping in my sis's room every time i need to play my console, so she thought me getting me one so that i will leave my sister's room alone =D i'm a tv junkie as some of you might know, last semester i didn't get to watch late night tv shows and i missed all the seasons of desperate housewives, csi, fringe and many more. but it do me good as i have time to concentrate on my school stuffs. i hope the tv won't distract me as much as i thought it will be the next semester.

my 22nd birthday is coming soon and i have no plans for it at all. not like i didn't have a plan or what, it's just that i planned not to have anything at all. gave up the idea of another birthday party this year because i didn't want to go through the hassle again, i wonder if anyone appreciates it at all. usually i'm the one planning a birthday for someone, but when it comes to my birthday, i didn't get back the same kind of attention, so i rather skipped the idea of being a host for once. secondly, i want to save for the year end taiwan/hk trip, it will definitely do me good if i have lots of extra moolahs to spurge during the festive seasons. imagine great lighting and super cold weather in hongkong during the xmas, wooohoo romantic! thirdly, i feel that meeting my friends for small grp dinners or something is better in the sense that we actually can catch up with one another. i guess these reasons are enough for me not to hold a party. any how, i will still churn out a wish list just in case friends who are still reading this space will have an idea of what to get for me (if they want to).

Burberry haymarket small check tote bag
Burberry haymarket check wallet
Metro/Isetan gift vouchers
La Senza gift vouchers
or anything practical (:
i know i know, this place is totally left behind by me for months. but what to do, school's a bitch that i can't get away from all the tiring lectures, tutorials and labs. not to mention projects, seriously i hate school more and more every semester. it's really too bad that i can't turn back the time, if not i definitely will not choose this path ever again.

partly why i feel so tired of everything is due to the people there as well. overly competitive shit heads totally turns me off, and some with super arrogant air heads that never seems to put people down in every single sentence they tried so hard to construct. not to forget immature lowEQ-pea heads that couldn't stop talking bad about other people just to make themselves feel better about their own self. yeah they think they are funny, well i think they are insensitive and desperate in need of acceptance. talking about being in a good university, it's hard to find people who really wants to befriend you for who you are but not how good your grades are, people who genuine cares about you other than school work and not go to you only when they need help with their school work. i'd rather be academically stupid and have a heart. lucky there is still a handful of them whom i call friends, friends that over looked my poor gpa and still wanna hang out. i kind of misses my poly group mates, especially that miss tan zx whom i did each and every single project with. you will never hear things like 'the more you do, the more marks you will get' from her mouth. i guessed not everyone is grade-driven and manipulative in that sense till now.  

yup, some of you may rebuke, thinking that the problems may jolly well lies in me. but i wouldn't disagree with that as well since i may not be the easiest person to be with in this whole world. i admit that i am paranoid, totally lack of fun as i take things really seriously and i don't laugh at your stupid insensitive jokes. i don't talk much to people unless what you say are interesting to me. my maturity level is high, i despise people who waste their parent's money to stay in school for as long as they could just because they hate going out to the working society. i communicate better with people who are making a name for themselves rather than people who relies on their parents for everything. i look up to people who knows what they want and able to get them within their own means. so just don't get offended when my thinking are different from yours, in fact i am different from you. i am not ashamed to say that i do not have a lot of friends, but these small handful of them are the ones whom i truly treasure and give a damn about. 

somehow, the way i studied for this semester examination is different from last semester. i should say the money on past year paper is well spent because i only studied according to the past year paper and not memorizing from the notes at all. and lucky for me, there's ys there to help me with all the questions that i didn't know how to do, i think the money we spent on coffee clubs is over $200 plus within that month. have to wait till the results in order to know whether this is a better choice of studying or not. hopefully i can at least pass, i'll be contented already. not to say i have no goals or have no ambition, i just don't see how results are really that important in my life, having better grades doesn't mean higher chance of employment anyway. but then yet again, the feeling of emptiness and restlessness came along after the end of examination. why do i always get this kind of feeling when i've already finished the papers? most of them told me how happy they were to be able to slack after working so hard, but i feel otherwise. i feel more stressed up when i have nothing to do, no plans or whatsoever for the next few days. can't wait for CIDP to end so that i can start working and feel less of a useless bum at home. 1 more stressful project week to go before i can really relax. anyone wanna play band hero with me the following week? =D mr how is away in taiwan for 3 weeks+ and i'm going to take over his ps3, after all i paid for it too, so he can't complain much. say hello to ff13, gonna at least try to finish the game before he sells it away.

rumours really does ruin someone's life isn't it? i'm really confused over the fact that how some people refused to tell me the truth yet expect me to be mind readers. i swear i can't stop people from how they want to feel, but the point where you didn't tell me a single shit and yet you told everyone that i've been letting you down is totally uncalled for. i bet people thinks that i'm a heartbreaker or something. and i refused to tell a single soul that is not related to this issue because it is non of their business, but sadly some people don't see the good in ethical relationship handling. and now i'm stuck in this situation which i don't deserve to be in just because people can't control their feelings and their speech. 

by the way, you were asking about my relationship with them? we're totally cool, and even if we're not, i seriously wouldn't care less.

i want to get out!

haha, surprise surprise, i've stayed home for 2 consecutive weekends. so many things to do that i have to resort to stay home. tutorials, labs and assignments are driving me crazy ): dropping one of the module ain't helping much either, i can't imagine how my life would be if i overload them. phew, at last i've made a right choice. 

feeling quite down this week, even me myself don't know the reason behind it. alright, maybe i know the reason but i'd rather blamed it on 'that time of the month' and the stress from school. can't find any mood for anything, don't feel like talking much, can't concentrate during lesson... i don't feel happy at all, i spend the nights crying just to feel better the next day, and then this repeats every day. yup, i usually cry to relieve stress or make myself feel better, it's not a bad thing or what, just my way of getting things off my chest.

been chionging Hi my sweetheart for the past week, at last finish the 14 episodes today. i cried in almost every episode, really touching. haha, yes i know, i'm such a crybaby. somehow i feel that i could relate to it. raine's character in this drama depicts a girl that no one likes her in school just because she broke up with a guy cos the guy is not rich. but the truth behind it is not because of that... sigh, brings back memories of how it was last time.


i want to get out of the house!

tell me why?

Argh I really can't stand people who misunderstood others just because they didn't bothered to ask.

What really bothers me is that, why is it such that people thinks that you're always wrong or you can't do anything right just because you are not one of the best scorers in school. Just because I'm weak in something, doesn't mean I'm totally incompetent. Screw exams and the grading system. I'm way better at being myself rather than trying to be you.

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time is all I need and want

Typing this post during java lecture, seriously I'm in deep shit when it comes to this module. It's getting more and more difficult and every lab is like mini assignment that I never knew how to do them without any help. I'm a total gone case ): dropped my computer graphics module after much consideration. Unless I thought of really good alternatives for the next few years, if not i'm stuck in ntu for 3.5 years instead of 3 already. Totally demoralizing. Even though there are more free time now, I still feel in need of more time to revise my work. So I plan to stay in this weekend to finish up my reading.

Hmm, this is the third week of sch, means I haven't been updating for 2 weeks? School has been the same, made some new friends from the tutorial and lab. Have super early classes which I loathe but still have to comply. Most of the modules are okay except for java. Hopefully things will get better.

I think I should get my attention back to the lecturer.

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my last day of enjoyment

argh..school is starting tomorrow! so not looking forward to it, i hate school!

a really short update before i head off to bed, gonna wake up before 7 tomorrow. last friday met up with gt for my free lunch cos i won a bet which apparently i've forgotten about it. and after which we shopped for peng's present. went home after that for dinner before heading out again for late night movie. caught Did You Hear About the Morgans at causeway point, a really typical kind of love show. go catch it if there's nothing much on screen.


caught another movie on saturday, It's Complicated, quite a funny show though. after movies i headed down to peng's birthday party at somerset compass serviced apartment. the place is really big and it's really nice to have a party over there. am surprised that they actually allow a 1 day booking for people to celebrate their birthdays. the price is reasonable as well (: caught the last train home with ck and ruby. i'm like running for the train with my heels, ouch!


today i went to ikea wanting to get a coat hanger for my room but they didn't have stock until 25th jan. damn sian, in the end went to the furniture store at hougang plaza and my mum spend 2k plus on a new sofa. gosh, but i love the sofa (:

i'm off to bed (:

rants rants rants

 been quite lazy to update about the mundane life of mine. 

worked half day on new year eve, we celebrated by having lunch together. too much food already, in the end jessie invited the sales dept to helped us finish the remaining food.

after work, we headed down to city hall, jerome kathy and me ended up in the arcade playing bishi bashi while waiting for the rest to join us later for movies. we caught Alvin and the chipmunks 2 at marina.

although the movie was so-so, but the chipmunks are cute (: especially theodore. brings back childhood memories man...

after the movie, we went to hotpot culture for dinner. the ambience was good, but the service is average. the cooked food there is not bad, but the choices for hotpot is rather limited. the chocolate fondue  for dessert was really good. after dinner was already near 9 so headed down to the esplanade area to find a spot and wait for the fireworks (: i know i know, you might be asking what so great about fireworks right. seriously i have no idea, i just love watching them! it gave me a feeling of warmth and happiness. and i'm so glad that i did wait for the fireworks as this year's fireworks are much prettier and there are new formations and designs. 

watched The invention of lying on the itouch while waiting for midnight. quite a funny show, not sure it's not out in singapore yet or already done screening in singapore.


i caught Old dogs as well, must watch definitely! totally hilarious and touching (: did i mention that i love travolta?? he's still looking good at his age, even though he's not as in shape as last time. 



today was my last day at uob, been working for a month as temp there, the feeling was simply great. i'm glad that i've made this choice to work during the short vacation, i really need the money man. shockingly i've charged nearly $500 big bucks to my uob card, and i still have not look at my citibank card's debt. never been so out of control with my spending, all the money i earn will go to my expenses in this december ): just hope that my pay will come soon before the bill comes.

oh yar, i'm quite surprised that a person can totally change into a totally different one within a few months? quite disappointing, but i guess that's life. people do grow apart after awhile...

3 more days before school reopen, 3 more days to enjoy before hell arrives...

happy 2010!

my first entry of year 2010. 

there's so many major happenings during the year 2009, be it good or bad. let me list out some of them to sum up the year.

1. The day i ended my 1 year contract job. 
i'm so proud of myself for being able to stay employed for the longest period of time. i admit, i used to hate working as most of the people are like twice my age and i can't interact with them. my passion just died off real fast and i feel so demotivated all the time. but this time round is different, people in the office are really nice and the best part of it, they are young! lol, we really click well and had lots of great times working together. and my boss asked me back to work temporary during my holidays. how awesome is that?
2. The day i became a university student.
yes, a new transition of my life. with regrets, i left my job and went forward to enter into ntu, knowing that i will have a hard time there. long traveling hours are killing me, 2 hours to and 2 hours back have wasted pretty much all the free time i had for studying and sleeping. no more stable income, i have to spend within the pocket money given, it seems like the most difficult for me to revert back to a student life. the studying vibes wasn't in me, so i've struggled pretty much all the time. then again, i'm glad to have met many great friends, some whom are really sweet enough to sacrifice his/her time just to help me with my assignments. my project team mates are great and i love my girls. 
3. The day i got back my first result in ntu.
yay! i've passed but not with a good grade. but screw it, just as long as i can pass. i must say, i have been a lucky girl for all of my life when it comes to my studies. i'm not the most intelligent people around, and i get really lazy most of the time, but lady luck still shines on me (:
4. I turn 21!
i'm legal now. great party held at the conrad with all my friends from primary, secondary, poly, as well as the rest. my first party in a hotel room, planning and preparing is really a tough task. i swear i will never do that again, but yet, i still feel that the ambience of having a party in a hotel is better than any others, i would not have done it any differently. prolly next year i'll hold another smaller party for really close friends to celebrate my 22nd?
5. I have my own room
Yes, my sister and her husband had moved out of the house, so i have a room all to myself at last. more room, bigger closet, more privacy...yeah i'm loving it. but it gets really quiet at night though, but i guess i'm too used of sharing room with my sister already. i'm just glad that i can choose to study till late at night without disturbing my sister's sleep. 

i guess it's a habit for everyone to list out their new year resolution during this time. but seriously, how many of you actually did follow the resolution in the end? i guess i'm gonna skip that, wouldn't want to promise myself things that i wouldn't do in reality.

wishing everyone a happy 2010! bring it on!!!
i'm going to bed, shall continue about the mundane life of mine in the next entry (:

Jason Derulo- Whatcha say

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